So, last night was this big Christmas deal where I live. I mean, lighting the city tree, lots of singing, Christmas extravaganza deal. I ended up helping because my workplace was heavily involved in the orchestrating of this extravaganza and that's just how these things go. Besides being stupidly exhausted, it was a good time, and from what I saw/ know everything went very well. However, since I'm me, my mind started to drift, and that always gets interesting. While there were several tangents I went on, really only two are applicable to this blog. The rest? Ech. Too much Alice, I think.
Tangent One: I had this "What the hell am I thinking" moment when it came to hoodie!boy. It wasn't good, nor bad, but I had it. He was on TV for a bit and was running around talking to everyone and talked quite a bit in front of a shit tonnage of people. And I had to wonder, if I were with him, would I lose my anonymity? Would I be the woman next to him when he did all those things? The thought flat out jarred me. Yes, he's always doing something with people, but I guess it didn't ever click as hard as it did last night. It's one thing if it was on a smaller scale, but... that big? Damn.
Tangent Two: I am content. It is Christmastime and I'm absolutely content. Even happy. The Christmas music at work doesn't drive me batty, and my tree is going up this weekend. Last year I was so worked up over my situation I didn't even put up a tree. I don't want to cry at the drop of a hat. I'm not up to angst in my eyeballs. Maybe it's an indicator that I've grown as a person? Surely teenage angst shouldn't follow me into 26 (which is approaching at a stupidly rapid rate)! While there is a real basis for it, the self-indulgent behavior seems to have eased. I'm sure I'm much more pleasant to me around. Besides, people at work have commented that I am happier, that I seem to be more pulled together, and that I'm "looking like a fashion plate" which is silly, because I'm still wearing all the same clothes! But I guess I am carrying myself differently (read: not shlepping around) so that I could make a difference. I feel more open to any and everything than I have in a long time.
So, who knows about December. It's still early, but I'm content and miles ahead of where I've been for the better part of a decade. I'll take it.
I am glad you are content. I wish I could say the same, but I know that I'll get there. Enjoy this time, lady. It's wonderful. :)
ReplyDeleteChristmastime is my absolute favourite. It's one of those times of year where our town actually has a whole big caffuffle of things like tree lighting as well.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that this past Christmas you were content. It takes a while to get there sometimes, and being content is far more preferable to being uber angsty. That being said, that angst will still surface sometimes ;)