"You play the full nine innings at this level, Stuart. Tell your friends."
This post was intended for about two weeks about, but that flu that everyone keeps talking about? Yeah, this girl caught it. There is something about a 102 fever, body aches, and the seemingly never ending fatigue that makes me not want to do anything other than be sedated with heavy medication.
Right before I caught said flu, I went to a Three Kings party with some of my friends. Hoodie!boy was there. With his girlfriend.
Not one of us knew he was dating. Well, the friend in our group since he's known since he was four did, but other than that, not a one of us.
Like a snuggling-on-the-couch-I-bought-you-a-Pandora-bracelet-for-Christmas-even-though-I-don't- have-the-money-she's-going-to-be-showing-it-off-and-beaming-having-whispered-side-conversations- sneaking-a-kiss-outside-at-the-end-of-the-night sort of girlfriend.
The funny thing is that we dubbed her "The Next Victim" after we saw them at that fundraiser the first part of October. Apparently we weren't that far off.
And so, as I sat at this party, trying desperately not to cry, I thought of that West Wing quote about playing the full nine innings. Because sometimes I think in West Wing quotes. No judging. I wanted to leave and go into my car and just cry. Instead I made myself stay, eat King Cake, play White Elephant,
and be sociable as much as I could.
What I've wanted for the past two and a half years was right there.
Right there.
And I wasn't the girl.
It wasn't that he wasn't interested in dating... he wasn't interested in dating me. Needless to say my ego took a hell of a hit that night. It didn't help that the conversation later turned to high school. I make a conscious effort to forget everything from eighth grade to college. Pretty much I felt horrible at the end of the evening. It didn't help when on the drive home, the truck right in front of me lost a cardboard box, I ran over it because there wasn't time to swerve, and then it got caught in/underneath my car.
Jump forward a few days, and I am trying to get plans together for my birthday. I want to invite hoodie!boy, and so I invited his girlfriend (I need a name for her. Suggestions?) to the party. I flat out said "If you and her can come, that would be great." I play all nine innings. If I invite him, it's only right to invite her, right? If any of my other friends were dating, I would invite who they were dating, so why doesn't that apply to him? Apparently this is incredibly mature. I just don't want to be that girl. What good is being pissy is going do? Not a damn thing.
So, all of this should make me want to get back on the "Getting Our Numbers Up" wagon. That would be the normal response. If I want to find someone, the logical thing is to get out there again and start meeting people.
Thing is, it doesn't.
I don't think you should "want" to get back out there straight away - sometimes we just need to let our heart hurt, not try and bandaid the hurt immediately with a new person.
ReplyDeleteTake time for yourself, you lost something you were hoping for. That takes time!
Don't deal in what you should want, deal in what you do. You'll be much happier for it and much more successful. So, do you want to take time to get it together, time to laugh with friends, and chat with bloggers and go to Disney? Then let's do that then.
ReplyDeleteAnd then, when you want to get out there and meet someone who is completely interested in dating YOU? Do that.
<3
How about fat!skank. I think that has a nice ring to it :D
ReplyDeleteYou're doing the honorable thing by inviting her to occasions along with him, even though it may hurt you even worse in the long run. Maintaining appearances and being polite is important, but make sure you don't push it to the point where you drag yourself down for the sake of a woman you barely know. Your feelings are most important here. You should be your number one priority.
And no worries. I usually think in Lost quotes. No joke. Namaste.
I don't think seeing him with her should cause you to want to get your numbers up. Eventually maybe, but not right after the initial shock. That's a hard situation to be in. I've been in that boat a few times and it's one of the hardest things to take. Especially when they've been coyly playing with your feelings for a while.
ReplyDeleteThe important thing here is to make sure that you are okay. You should never feel obligated to make yourself suffer through something emotionally difficult just to 'play nice'.
I know this was months ago, but I'm sorry you had to go through that.