To Us the Path of Knowledge Show

Oh, come, oh, come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to you, O Israel!


Oh, come, our Wisdom from on high,
Who ordered all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
and teach us in her ways to go.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to you, O Israel!


This is where some background would be handy, would it not?

I am a Christian. I'm that twenty something who goes to church nine Sundays out of ten and genuinely enjoys it.  I was raised and educated in the church. It is a huge part of what defines me.

And so, after I graduated college, and I was sitting at home waiting for word on what would happen with my career, there were many afternoons where I would sit and sing this song and pray over it. I prayed that I made the right choice. While I'm being honest, part of that prayer was that I would meet the man that I would fall in love with when I moved.

This is a song about waiting. It's a traditional Advent song. Advent is the time in the church year right before Christmas, and it's about preparing ourselves for Christmas and all of what means. However, the theology behind it, while I find important, is not the point of this post.

The point is, this song means so much to me.

It was that summer before I moved here.
I sang it the day that I came clean about how I felt about hoodie!boy.
I sang tonight right just as shit got real.

Hoodie!boy has found himself a girl.

 She isn't anyone that our group of friends know. Although, small world, it turns out chicky!poo for real, this is what I call her. I met her once, not at hoodie!boy's introduction, and I can't remember her name to save my life and I grew up not five miles from one another. Please bear in mind that we are 1200 miles away from where we grew up. Yes, we go 1200 miles away and we develop feelings for the same man. That is my life, ladies and gentlemen.

He's pretty into her from what I can ascertain. She cute. Her dark hair is long and smooth and straight. She has a dancer's body. She has the cute clothes and the perfect makeup. She talks easily with people she's never met. She has her degree in the same field I do, but is currently working in hoodie!boy's old field.

I'm trying hard not to take it personally, but that is pretty much an epic fail. Because I see how beautiful her hair is, and how mine is a hot mess. Her makeup that sets off her eyes and how I'm lucky if I get on mascara. Her cute little body and her cute little clothes and I look at mine body and my clothes and they are decidedly uncute. I'm shy around people that I've hardly met.

There are just the right number of similarities and differences to hurt like hell.

It was bound to happen. I mean, can I fault him? I've been in the rabbit hole since May. Just because he found someone first doesn't mean I have the right to be upset. If things had gone differently, I might have been the one bringing some guy around. Such isn't the case, and life, as always, moves along.