So, this weekend, I took myself out on a date. I put on a cute little outfit. I did my hair. I put on make-up. I went to get a mango frozen yogurt with raspberries and sprinkles. On the way back, I drove around and looked at Christmas lights. Score for living in a fairly affluent area... the lights are freaking awesome. Excellent music was playing, the sort that reminds me of the people down here and all of the happy times that we've had. Then I got home, turned on a movie, and ate said yummy concoction under my quilt. All in all it was rather pleasant.
The truth is, I was planning on going into the city. There is this place I know, and I've talked about it before, that I consider to be my space. It's where I can go and have a cigarette and a drink and just be. No one bothers me, no one talks to me unless I join a poker game, and there is certainly no one I know there. So I was playing around with the idea, and then decide that I really don't want to do it after all. I didn't have a particular reason other than I'd rather save the gas and miles on my car.
Turns out if I had gone, I would have run into hoodie!boy. Come to find out that he was there for some birthday party. This place isn't horribly big, so it wouldn't have taken long for one of us to spot the other. Team!friend wonders if I should have been there, because why else would I have the desire to go, and then had to keep telling myself that I really didn't want to go because of car crap?
It's been far too long since I've been on a date. Nearly two years. Even then, it wasn't a real date. It's one of those things that if I were granted permission to go back and change the way events went down, I so would. Neither one of us needed to be as wound up as we were. It made things way more tense then they should have been. Turns out it was the last time that we ever really talked for more than a few minutes, or in snippets of texts. I should have known, we both had one foot out very separate doors.
Although, hindsight is always 20/20.
I'm sure one day I'll be saying that about the rabbit hole.
Your last statement sounds like you're doubting the rabbit hole. I hope this isn't the case. Good results take time, but I'm sure you're noticing the changes you have made, and how aware you've become of yourself, since you started this. Surely your readers have noticed this as well. I've only been around for a little while and I've already seen it.
ReplyDeleteNice to see that you took a night out to be yourself. It's important to unwind and get a new perspective by treating yourself right. Well done :)
~SP
Date nights with yourself can always be a good thing.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you do, don't doubt the rabbit hole -- whether or not you're doing everything right in this journey isn't the point; the point is that you are making it. And while there will always be things that you can look at in hindsight and go 'You know, this would have gone better if I did this' the truth is, that's pointless. It leaves us chewing on our mistakes and failings instead of looking at the positives, which is that we went for it. We did it. We made our choices, and we lived by them.
This journey you're on, I would say is less about the choices, less about the outcome, and more about the fact that you are making it. The outcome will vary depending on how you look back on it and what you take from it -- so I say, don't look back in hindsight, but look back at all the steps you took instead. They will be the parts that help you grow, give you character, and help you to make Wonderland infiltrate Reality.