There is light at the end of the tunnel.
In a few short days, my life will be come much easier. There is an upcoming shift at work, and it will lighten my load immeasurably.
The past nine months have been nothing short of insanity. My job kicked my ass. My car has proven to be a pain in the same ass. I've been in fights. I've been exhausted. Curveballs were thrown my way that I didn't even know existed.
I've learned to let go of a lot.
Pride.
Money.
Entitlement.
Vanity.
Laziness.
Anger.
Impatience.
Expectation.
Stubbornness.
For months now, people have been telling me that I'll be rewarded for this experience. Like manna from Heaven something great and wonderful will descend. And I kept waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Wondering what could possibly be the carrot to go with the stick I've been prodded with for so long.
But what if getting rid off what I did was the reward? That I cleaned out a space to be filled with other characteristics such as humility, patience, and endurance? I've had to look at myself in the mirror and find the positives in the midst of negatives. Characteristics that arguably make me a better person that I was before. How can I be open to the new if my hands are full of the old?
Yes, I still have my issues.
No, I haven't lost my Louis Vutton baggage.
I can still be prideful, stubborn, and vain.
I still have a streak of laziness and impatience.
To some extent, these help to make me me.
When I look at myself, and compare past to present, I see them lessened.
I don't find it to be a coincidence that this period in my life has lasted, more or less, nine months.
Nine months.
New life.
Who knew that change in me was conceived sitting on the side of the road, waiting for AAA to come rescue my sorry self?
Hey, Seattle Grace Mercy Death may have its downsides (namely, the likelihood of death), but there's also an awful lot of eye candy!! ;)
ReplyDeleteHurrah to light at the end of the tunnel!!
<3
Hmm. I can't say that I've ever looked at life this way before. I always see self-improvement as a means to an end...a quest to become a better person in order to achieve more and more. To chase the carrot on the stick.
ReplyDeleteBut self-improvement AS the reward? It makes sense...more sense than a lot of other ideas. A, I think you just blew my mind. This is a completely different paradigm from what I'm used to.
Congrats on making it through the last 9 months to start a new phase of your life. I know it hasn't been easy...but then again, nothing worthwhile ever is. Kudos, and enjoy the (sort of) break!
When life started to kick me in the ass, people started to tell me the same thing. And for a while, I kept waiting and expecting that manna to start falling from the heavens and the benefits to be reaped.
ReplyDeleteI think I may have done a post on this, or at least similar to this. Sometimes, the benefits we reap really are personal. They're about growth and about the little blessings in life, rather than just the big, apparent (and as some people believe it must be) monetary blessings.
Self improvement is one of the greatest rewards, because it makes YOU a happier, healthier person.