I don't know if I've mentioned it on here before, and if I have, I apologize.
My really big hang-up about being in a serious relationship with someone?
Something becoming "ours."
Our home.
Our car.
Our pet.
Our bills.
Our kid.
As any of the people that I've lived with can attest to, I can be an extremely difficult person. As much as I don't want to admit it, I am my mother's daughter in that respect. I can whip out her temperament from time to time, which is worse than saying something your mother would say. For real.
Maybe it's commitment phobia.
Maybe it's that I've established myself on my own.
I'm not good as "ours" or "we." I'm good at "mine" and "me." That's been my M.O. for years. Even with just having a brother, I never really had to share much of anything. There were no clothes to share, and his toys certainly were not to my American Girl doll tastes. The only thing we ever really had to share was the television, and even then there was that one time I threw the changer at him and busted out his front teeth.
Obviously there is a learning curve and obviously I'll figure it out as I go along. Still, there are moments when the word "ours" strikes terror into my heart.
My really big hang-up about being in a serious relationship with someone?
Something becoming "ours."
Our home.
Our car.
Our pet.
Our bills.
Our kid.
As any of the people that I've lived with can attest to, I can be an extremely difficult person. As much as I don't want to admit it, I am my mother's daughter in that respect. I can whip out her temperament from time to time, which is worse than saying something your mother would say. For real.
Maybe it's commitment phobia.
Maybe it's that I've established myself on my own.
I'm not good as "ours" or "we." I'm good at "mine" and "me." That's been my M.O. for years. Even with just having a brother, I never really had to share much of anything. There were no clothes to share, and his toys certainly were not to my American Girl doll tastes. The only thing we ever really had to share was the television, and even then there was that one time I threw the changer at him and busted out his front teeth.
Obviously there is a learning curve and obviously I'll figure it out as I go along. Still, there are moments when the word "ours" strikes terror into my heart.
As an only child, I feel similarly. I desperately want to be able to share my life with someone, but I'm afraid of being bad at it, of being selfish, of never being able to do "ours" and "we."
ReplyDelete(Also, I love that you called it a "changer." Reminds me of how my stepdad says "clicker.")
Oh, believe me. I felt the same way for quite some time. I never liked to share anything, not even during my sophomore year of college when I had a roommate. He disliked my snoring; I disliked his very existence in my space. It didn't work out well.
ReplyDeleteIt takes time and a lot of adjustment. In my case, it happened so gradually...and even then, it was nearly a deal-breaker for our relationship during that time. I had to summon a great deal of patience and understanding to make the adjustment. I give a lot of credit to her - she made it much easier to get used to her presence because she does so much for me, the kitty, and the household. So I guess, when it comes down to it, when you find the right person it just kind of...happens. And if they work for it, you can too.
Just found your blog through "Love Woke Me Up..." and I love it already! (When I was perusing last night, I may have been enthralled by the background too...long day plus pretty background = soothing staring)
ReplyDeleteANYway,
I definitely know how you feel. While I AM in a serious relationship, the whole "we" "us" "our" thing is always odd. "Oh we would love to come," can't always be an accurate statement...I can't speak for what he wants too. So it IS difficult.
Love your blog and look forward to seeing you again on blogworld =)
As much as I know that I'm greedy and terrible at sharing, I've always assumed that I'll learn. It's never scared me, you know, but that just could be me being romantic.
ReplyDeleteI understand, though. Ours is a big word.
Lor
Growing up with two siblings, and having lived with people my entire life, I've never really had a problem with that. But I can definitely see how it can be for people who aren't used to it. I think it was difficult for Scott to adjust to the 'ours' on a lot of things when we first started getting serious.
ReplyDelete