The Story of Us

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you like it's killing me? 


Oh Taylor Swift, do you have any idea how damn accurate that entire song is?

Last night was the wedding of a coworker. It wasn't the meeting people success that I thought it would be, but it was still beautiful. The bride was radiant and her groom nothing but smiles. It was a small affair with ballroom dancing, so while not exactly single girl friendly, it was fun and extremely classy. Very much the bride, and I assume her husband.

Hoodie!boy was there, somewhat to my surprise. I wondered if he would be there. I figured it would be a fifty-fifty shot, considering how many different weddings seem to be happening this weekend. When he rolled up in his truck part of me braced for impact. If anything, seeing him all cleaned up was going to be a poke in the heart. Despite everything, I still find myself physically attracted to him, and it seems that he still is at least somewhat physically attracted to me.  I've seen that look enough to know that when I get dressed up, he likes what he sees.

It proved to be yet another movement in our complicated dance of being in such close proximity and trying to pretend that the other doesn't exist. It was painfully obvious at some points, and hopefully at others only the two of us knew what was happening. Our relationship is nothing but complications at this point. Someone asked me if I was mad at him, and I said no. It's the truth. I'm not mad at him at all. The thing is, I can't seem to adequately label the emotions he evokes. I never have really. We then talked about time, and how it has been months *months* since we started this stupid dance.

As alluded to in the lyrics above, I wonder if he finds this as hard to navigate as I do... I can't believe that he feels nothing at all. Too much effort seems to go into this for it all roll off his back. I still toy with the idea of talking to him about it, but I wonder how much good it will do. Besides, it will be another couple of weeks before we see each other again, and I might see it differently after having a lot of space.

So while the wedding wasn't what I had planned, all in all I would say that it provided me with a really good opportunity to reflect on what the state of affairs is.

The question is, will the story of us always look like a tragedy?

I hope not.