Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
These lyrics sum up where I'm at tonight. I'm really wondering if I can move along, even if my hope is gone, without laying everything out to hoodie!boy. I can't stand that we don't speak anymore. That we just exist in the same room and ignore each other. I want to know what happened with us. I want to know where it went wrong. Not in the sense that we never dated, but what could lead two people who share friends to ignore each other?
I think what I want is a half hour of brutal guerrilla honesty. Below the belt hits are allowed, no words off limits, filters completely removed. Whatever he says couldn't hurt more than his indifference has. I want to say what I've kept in for months. I want to give him the chance to do the same. I want to scream "I don't want to date you! I could never date you!" at the top of my lungs. I want to be demanded to be taken off of punishment. I feel as if in his eyes I have committed some grievous wrong. I want to know what charges I was convicted on.
I want the impossible. I want to reset everything and make it like the day I introduced myself. When we were two strangers working in the same place. I want to be able to exist in the same room as him without our pet neon pink elephant.
Maybe I am demanding too much. Maybe it's not worth it. I've tried ignoring it, and it hasn't worked. I think that I just feel everything too much for that. I lack the ability to let shit roll off my back. But, well, I want to genuinely move along from all this crap before I get seriously involved with someone. It isn't fair for whoever to be living with a shadow of hoodie!boy. That can only end badly for the both of us. So this is the only way I can think to work toward that goal.
I want to know where we stand. If it's repairable, let's try to repair it. If it isn't, then we need to acknowledge that and come up with a name for our elephant. I think Constantina is a good name, but I'm open to suggestions.
There has to be a way out of this mess, right?
- A
I don't know a lot about a lot of things, but I think your best bet is to be honest. It might not be fun, but you'll do better in the long run.
ReplyDeleteI agree!! Most definatley the best plan I think. Tell him what you need to tell him. Hear him out if he chooses to say anything and hope for civility at work as the best outcome!
ReplyDelete- Yang!girl
I agree with everyone else. You need to sit down and hash it out otherwise things are going to continue being awkward with no resolution.
ReplyDeletefirst of all boys suck (no matter how old they are...LoL) and 2nd...if you cant sit down and talk...send him a email or some type of letter. i know i had to do that with a guy in the past and it def. helped me get over the situation and see where he stood on the issue. thanks for stopping by my blog! please stop by anytime!! :-)
ReplyDelete