In high school, I had a teacher who often used the metaphor of a flower blooming to describe me. When I first walked into her classroom, I was fifteen and painfully shy. So shy that I would hardly speak, and wouldn't really look at people. I was pretty much Ally Sheedy at the start of Breakfast Club, including my penchant for "odd" food. I love me some egg salad and dill pickles and olives... but that is totally off topic. Slowly but surely I began to come into my own and expanded my comfort zones considerably (something that wasn't fully realized until college) and she would say how more and more petals were unfolding.
The older I get, the more I am realizing how apt this metaphor is. Tonight, I think I had another one of those petals unfold. I recently ordered a one shouldered top to show off my tattoo when I go out. It came in the mail tonight, so I tried it on with my favorite jeans. Then I decided that I wanted to play dress up, and I straightened my hair and did my eye makeup.
Holy crap.
I looked sexy. I mean, I looked I think the sexiest I've looked. I've been done up before, and have felt passably pretty or vaguely elegant, but not this sort of sexy. The sort of sexy that can move it on the dance floor and flirts with men. The thing is, this realization is slightly uncomfortable because I don't consider myself to be remotely sexy. I mean, at all. You don't look at me and think "sexy." I was okay with that because I had other adjectives to describe me, such as intelligent. I'd take (and still will take) "intelligent" over "sexy" any day of the week.
Yet, it is interesting to start coming to terms with the notion that I can be sexy. This tumble down the rabbit hole has showed me how I can be sexy and get in touch with that side of myself. Standing there in front of that mirror, I felt attractive and feminine. Getting the tattoo was so damn empowering and liberating, and I feel that all over again now as I have the chance to show it off.
I fully realize that "sexy" can have very little to do with clothing. It is just as much, if not a hell of a lot more, reliant on attitude. It's confidence. It's slowly starting to kick in, little bit by little bit. My confidence is building more and more each day. Maybe it's just more and more of those petals unfolding.
Aww, this was so nice to read. I'm happy that you're coming into yourself more and more every day. Sexiness goes hand in hand with confidence and the ability to find an allure in your own identity. I'm happy you're feeling this sense of empowerment; it's a wonderful thing to have as a woman, and intelligence (in my opinion) can also be considered sexy. I know that guys for for pretty and smart girls over pretty and dumb girls in a heart beat (at least in my experiences anyway). So use your intelligence; I'm sure it will take you a long way. :)
ReplyDeleteGood for you. Sexy AND intelligent - a winning combination :)
ReplyDeletexo
I'm so happy for you that you're becoming more confident. It's such a great thing to have.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I love how people mature, and I can relate to gaining more confidence. I seem to gain it and lose some and gain some and lose some, etc. It comes in waves;) but it's awesome when you realise that other people are just people too so there is no need to feel shy all the time.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking from a guy's perspective, I think intelligence and confidence are two of the sexiest traits that a woman can have. One or the other is okay, but both results in instant attraction.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree. Sexiness has almost nothing to do with clothing. I have known some women who could do nothing for me while wearing a skimpy dress...and I've known others who could make me melt in an oversized T-shirt and pair of gym shorts. Sexiness is attitude. It's the way you carry yourself. It's the look you give when your eyes meet with his. The way you smile, and how an innocent smile can so quickly turn into a suggestive smirk. Femininity at its finest.
Good for you. I hope you continue to explore this other side of yourself and continue to unfold.
~SP
This is so awesome getting to see some of these discoveries you are making about yourself. I remember the first time I got dolled up and dressed up and looked sexy... it was amazing.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Shane when he talked about sexiness being attitude. It's all about how you present yourself. If you are going to be sexy, you will be seen as sexy. (of course, that's not to be confused with girls like Snookie, who seem to think that sexy is wearing unflattering clothing and being completely gross).
<3