How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Valentine's posts are abounding, so I figured I'd join in on it. I'm not above poking fun at my current state of affairs... I mean seriously? I spent a part of Valentine's night in therapy.

Yeah.
About that.

And so, here I present to you why being single on Valentine's is not the worst case scenario via my favorite books/movies:

 Jude:
I could be in love with my married cousin who I didn't meet until I was a grown woman.  I could marry another man, because I can't be with my cousin, and then realize that I have to be with my cousin. Then we can't get married because a) we're cousins and b) we're still married to other people. Then my cousin's son from his marriage will come and live with us, we'll be destitute and shunned because we aren't married but have kids. Then finally, my cousin's child will kill his half siblings and I'll leave my cousin after he shouts to be that if ever two people were man and wife, we were.

 Cold Mountain:
I could be in love with a man that I hardly spoke a hundred words with. I could write love letters and send them off to the front lines, never knowing if they got to him, clinging to the hope that he's alive. I could stumble across him in the woods one day while I'm tending to my friend's shot father and looking for a turkey to make into dinner. Then I could take him back, have a really freaking hot sex scene with him, and then he dies the next day, finally killed by the men who had been hunting him down for deserting the army.

 Wings of the Dove:
I could be the poor daughter of a dead mother and drunk father taken in by my socially ambitious aunt. This aunt wants me to marry a nobleman, but I'm in love with a dashing, but equally poor, journalist. Then, after I make friends with a dying heiress, hatch a plan to get my journalist and dying friend to fall in love so the journalist will be the sole heir to her money. However, this plan backfires on me, he refuses to take the money and I refuse to be with someone who is in love with a ghost.

The Thorn Birds/ Quills:
I could be in love with a priest. Which, you know, never ends well considering that they take vows of celibacy and I'm just not down for that.  In Meggie and Ralph's case this meant a child together and a hell of a lot of resentment. In the Abbe and Madeleine's case we have insanity and death by an insane inmate.

 Elizabeth: Again, I could be in love with a married man, but he isn't my cousin and I'm not married. This time he's just pretty much the most amazing guy ever until he isn't anymore in the biggest way possible. Then, I'm forced to forget everything about our past and declare that I have become a virgin, completely ignoring is existence.

 Shakespeare in Love: Again, I'm stressing that I could be in love with a married man. I could also be forced into a marriage that I want nothing to do with come hell or high water. I could be bound by duty and practicality to leave everything that I've never known to follow my jerk husband that I didn't want half way around the world to a completely unknown future that also happens to have a very beautiful beach. For all of this heartbreak, I'd be the center of two of English Lit's most awesome pieces.

Legends of the Fall:
I could have fallen in love while in college with the youngest of three brothers, who then asks me to marry him. I say "yes" and go out west to meet his family. When I get there, I fall in love with the middle brother and the oldest brother falls in love with me... all of which creates a very sticky wicket. It gets even more complicated when the youngest brother dies during WWI, and I end up saying at the ranch with the middle and oldest brother. Then, after trying to be with the middle brother he pulls a nutty over his guilt for the youngest brothers death and travels the world only saying to me "Marry another." Then I marry the oldest brother, because why the hell not. Then the middle brother comes back, marries another woman, and I pull a nutty, eventually offing myself after mutilating my gorgeous hair.


So, yes, ladies and gentlemen. I'll take my spaghetti, summer salad, raspberry lemonade, and blogging over all that relationship craziness any day of the week.